Brain Poisoning

So I guess today was pretty good up until I had a falling out with my Girlfriend and it was all shit and ajshskfhfhghghg.  But on a positive note now we're going to snuggle up in bed and watch The Notebook. Eeeeeeeeeeeep I'm getting Hello Kitty Vans for Christmas ^^ yaaaaaaay.

I'm gonna pick up the pieces and build a lego house.

I don't understand my head any more.
I want to stop feeling like this.
I need to be positive.
I got to keep positive and recover for me, my girlfriend and our future together - I hope there is one because I love her more than life. Even though I'm a major bitch at times I wouldn't swap her for anything.. <3

blubblubblub.

Today's plans are to go to Tesco, get a few bits and go over to my best friends house with my Girlfriend and spend the night there.. It's going to be a good one :)
Really positive mood today eeeeep =D 

Monstttterrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Today I had my 3rd therapy assessment and I was really positive and I think that it went really well. Actually I thought it went better than ANY of my appointments that I've had there. I relapsed with my self-harm two days ago after being clean for one and a half months so I'm starting afresh. Hopefully things will go well from now onwards if I keep on with this positive mental attitude. 

Looking forward to tomorrow afternoon and night with the girlfriend, best friend and hay :)

I want to be a child.

Really weird mood. Switching from being happy one minute to sad the next. Too many thoughts in my head repeating in my head. My thoughts right now? ajshgfhffhgtirjgjgjg. Yeah, I can't seem to understand it either. Oh well time for a cigarette, bath and then snuggles (hopefully) <3

Names for my book :)

I have two names for my book -

My Secret Life - A Memoir of Bulimia.

OR

Coffee, Cigarettes and Calories.

You make me happy.
180611 <3

Last night was a really bad night. I didn't realise what was happening and at one point I didn't know who I was! A mixture of emotions were swimming around in my head and the screaming got too much. The voice in my head screamed and shouted at me; 'stupid, worthless, failure'. are the words that were being repeated in my head. Two days in a row and I've felt like this and I don't know why :/ I felt so fucked up and out of control. I didn't want to be here anymore but the thought of my Girlfriend being in the house kept me and also I thought that dying wouldn't solve anything. After all I am a fighter and I'll fight for what I want and that's a life free from these illnesses. I want to be happy and care free.

I'm over-tired and I rambling an I don't think I'm making any sense? But today is a new day and I'm going to keep strong and carry on fighting my demons.

I love my Charlie so much more than my life right now, without you baby I would not have known what it is to LIVE. :')

A Muffin Completes My Life.

Right so here goes nothing. I gave my girlfriend the friggin' link to this blog and she's sat there complaining that I didn't mention her so here's a little post for her :)

Charlie Raye Woods - You have been my rock ever since day one. I know that sometimes I don't tell you enough that I love you but you are a very special unicorn and I am privileged to have you in my life and to call you mine. As you can tell I'm not very good with my words and this is just a short little entry into a million more to come which WILL include you, you snotface :)

All I've got to say is that you mean the world to me and I love you epic amounts.
''I'm out of touch, I'm out of love
I'll pick you up when you're getting down
And out of all these things I've done I think I love you better now.''

Love from Little Bear <3

I need a cigarette.

Meh well I'm just sat here and my heart is racing like a bitch and it's probably because I've been drinking caffeine pretty much all day. Feeling like crap and want to go to tesco's and get a load of crap/binge/junk food and just eat and be a fatty and not give a flying fuck; but instead I'm sat here feeling shitty (silly head) but oh well.
Had a good day today with Risha and did a bit of retail therapy which cheered me up :)
Plans for tomorrow are to CLEANCLEANCLEAN and then relax and hopefully have Scarlett over.
Friday - Going to see Happy Feet 2 with friends *does a warrior dance* and then the weekend is just going to be plain lazy... :)

xx